I'm Tired of Being Sick

I had chemo last Wednesday and it went as well as expected.  I just hate how it makes me feel.  The fourth day was the worst.  My balance was off and my head was so spaced out.  I kept drinking gatorade and it helped some.  I just wish I would go to sleep and wake up and it will all be over.  Who wants to endure this bullshit every day.  For the first time, I felt my tumor getting smaller.  I guess thats a good sign that this poison they are putting in my body is killing the cancer.  My nails are turning black and my skin is all jacked up.  I hate wearing hats and scarfs because my head stays hot.  Chemo has pushed me into pre-manapause.  This is just a lot.

I want to go to work today.  Sitting around here is not helping me.  It just reminds me that I'm sick and I feel terrible.  I'm hoping being at work will make me feel better in a way.  I'm just tired of feeling terrible, I need to do something.  I can't think at home.  I'm going to at least try to see if I can do it and if not, I'll keep my ass in the bed. lol  I'm used to being involved and being at home, I'm not involved in jack.  I don't want to lose my mind sitting here.  I need my brain to keep working.  I know, I'm convincing myself to go to work when I know I feel like some crap but I'm going anyway :-)

Well, with my bald head, black nails, dry skin, weak body, I'm getting ready to go.  I pray I can do 4 hours.

I know I'm complaining but still, I thank God for allowing me the strength to fight this disease.  I have the right to complain as long as I don't give up.  That I refuse to do.