One Year Ago

It was a year ago the doctor sat me down and said that she doesn't expect me to live past Christmas 2015. I could barely walk and was steady losing weight. She said go live your life!  All I could think about was Liyah. I was scared. I'm here today, still living. I look up and think God! I'm still scared but I'm not worried. One day at a time sweet Jesus. That's all I'm asking of you. Give me the strength to do all the things that I havep to do. One of my favorite songs. Have a blessed day and get your breast checked. Early detection can save your life.

People Will Show You Who They Are

A month ago, I nephew spoke really nasty to me. He was straight disrespectful and wrong.  My feelings were hurt.  Even though my feeling got hurt, I didn't let it get me down.  He just showed me who he truly was and how he truly felt and I accept that.   I've done do much for him and he for me but I may never feel the same about him again and that saddens me.  I have to put it all to the side and focus on keeping my spirit high and not let people like him get me down.  If you sit back, people will show you who they really are.  He showed me.   I will never let anyone treat my daughter like nobody or disrespect me in any way.   And when God calls my name, you don't even have to show up wishing you could have done things differently.  Just watch your mouth the next time when talking to someone who has always had your back.  There will never be another me.

Conversation with my daughter

Right before I picked Liyah up from school, John Hopkins called.  It was the Spine Surgeon's office scheduling my appointment.  My last visit I was informed that my bone was crumbling and sitting on the bottom of my back bone.  Something like that.  My doctor talked to me about surgery, putting cement in my back.  When I hung the phone up, I immediately got sad.  I don't want anymore surgery. I don't want air hitting my insides because I believe that when the cancer really spreads.  I held back the tears as Liyah got in the car.  I didn't want her to know how scared I was.  She immediately asked me what was wrong and as a tear fell, I told her.  She grabbed my hand and said, 'don't worry mom. You are the strongest person I know. We are going to pray each night until your surgery.  If this is God's plan, we have to be ok with that.'  I was at awe with her response.  For her to think I'm the strongest person she knows is so unbelievable because I think that of her.  She knows my situation and she continues to keep her spirit high and make sure that I'm ok.  She is my rock!  I know that I'm loved but the love that she gives me is unexplainable.  When I told Shan, all she could do was say, thats my baby.  She doesn't surprise us at all.  We know Liyah is amazing.  Between, Liyah, my mom and Shan, how can I bow my head.  With the army I have around me, how can I not claim victory.  With God constantly reminding me that he is in control, how can I not live my life to the fullest.  I wipe these tears and I dare the devil to come for me.  He can't win with this army.

My Mornings

Everyday I wake up thanking God for another day.  I look around my room to make sure I'm here on earth.  I do that because we never know what minute, hour, day or week he's going to call.  So each day is a blessing to me.  It's harder to get out of of these days.  Only because my bones are in pain.  I have to take my pain killer and wait for it to work before I get out of bed.  I used to be that morning person but now I'm that afternoon one. lol If I had choose from not being here or the early morning pain, I choose the pain without thinking.  So before you begin your day, Thank that higher power for allowing you another day.  Enjoy

It Could Be Worse

I finally got to see my dad this weekend.  He knows I'm sick but not how bad.  When I think about how sick he is, my illness is a second thought.  This man can no longer do the things he used to.  He can barely see and hear let alone walk.  Sometimes we think our situation is so bad and then we come across someone who is worse off than me.  I can still see, hear and dance.  I may not be able to run but I can walk and at times, walk fast.  I'm a bad singer but I can sing loud.  Even when I'm in pain, I'm ok.  I told someone today that I try to always look at the good.  I plan as if I'm not going anywhere.  I laugh loud because I'm able to.  This life I'm living may not be what I had planned but it's what God has planned.  I'm just thankful.

Lisa