Still Fighting!

I'm sitting here outside a resort in Connecticut thinking about my journey and how I've handled it thus far. I spent some nights crying and I spent some praising God. Most of my nights I felt lonely as if I was fighting this fight alone. No one really knew how I felt, just God and me. When everyone went home and my phone stopped going off, it was just me and God. I wanted to lay on someone's lap while they rub my bald head, just to let me know that they are here by my side. I wanted someone to wipe my tears when my mind wondered. It was those nights when I felt alone. I'm so glad that joy came in the morning! I would wake up with a new attitude. I am determined to not let this cancer control my spirit. I can't even explain how I felt and the discomfort I was in. When I try, tears form because the pain of it all still lingers in my heart and mind. My Good Friend Sandy said that I will forget the bad stuff one day. I can't imagine ever forgetting that pain. I lost a lot of things during this journey and some I'll never get back. I know these things don't make me, but it was a part of me.
I have another surgery on June 11th. After that, I can start radiation. I'm already trying to figure out how to fight back during that process. Five days a week for 5 weeks they will zap my ass. They said I will have burns on my chest and it will cause fatigue. Wow, more fatigue. I want my life back, so I endure this bullshit and keep fighting. This journey is not for the weak, I must say. It's for the strong and if you're not strong, you will be when it's all said and done. Trust me, I get tired but I know I have to keep pushing. So, I wipe my own tears and run my own head because I know that JOY comes in the morning! #thinkpink all day, every day!
Lisa
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