Anxiety

Yesterday I chose John Hopkins Hospital to help me through my journey.  Man, I was so impressed with their doctors.  The Surgical Oncologist walked in the room with swag.  I call him my Vanilla Jay Z!  I felt like they cared about me and about my cancer.  I left those appointments feeling like we were going to whip Cancer's ass!  yep! My spirits were way up!  They scheduled me to meet with the Medical Oncologist. I call her the Drug Doctor.  She was truly prepared for my visit.  She had notes written out for me and she drew diagrams to explain what the heck I had and how it was growing in my body.  She told me that my cancer is growing at a fast rate and my hormones are feeding that little sucker. lol  She's going to start me on Chemotherapy before they do surgery.  When I asked, 'when', she said next week. My heart dropped and reality smacked my ass in the face again. I have CANCER! WTF  It doesn't seem real but it is as real as it gets.  Six weeks of Chemo for the next 12 weeks.  I guess I need to prepare.  The thought of having these drugs dumped into my body to kill cancer is scary. It will destroy my white blood cells. I can't be around germs. They said I may get sick, feel extremely tired, my hair will fall out but it will kill the cancer. I guess the battle begins and I'm ready.  I think I may announce to my friends to meet me at the barbershop to cut my locs next week.  We can all wear pink and celebrate a new chapter. We can take over the barbershop and at the same time, bring awareness to this disease.  I think that will be hot! :-)

I need to prepare my daughter but I think she's ready to be my helper.  God, you are in control and I'm walking by Faith!