It's been a minute since I've been on here. I've been taking one day at a time. I'm now 13 Chemos down, with only 3 left to go. My Co-Worker told me, what I've known for a while.......I was chosen for this walk. The things in life that use to bother me doesn't anymore. Life is too short to worry about the small stuff. I was at a restaurant last week and the waiter spilled this sauce all over my leather jacket. My friend looked at me, waiting for me to explode. The waiter frantically began to clean the mess up and I just looked at him and smiled. It's a jacket, thats all. I'm dealing with bigger things in life, like CANCER. I can get a new jacket or maybe get that cleaned, but this life of mine comes only once. So I smile and I keep it rolling.
I thought about the day I sat on my mom's couch last December and cried. I kept saying, 'I can't do this anymore.' I remember how much pain I was in and how bad I wanted this whole ordeal to be a dream but it wasn't. Today I stand here with a smile because I'm almost done with Phase 1 (Chemo Treatment). I don't even concentrate on the next Phase. The days I feel bad, I thank God because he choose me. He knew I could do it. He surrounded an army of folks around me. He supplied my needs :-) Someone said that they would never guess what I was going through if I wasn't bald. She said, I'm always smiling. I can tell you that I've smiled more than I've cried in the past 5 months. I dealt with my hair being gone, no energy, weight gain, burning head sensations, dehydration, black nails, no eyebrows, a relationship that wasn't supportive to my needs and people who fell off the journey but was going strong in the beginning and through it all, I SMILE because he choose me. Being a child of God doesn't necessarily mean you walk this straight walk. I don't live a perfect life but I treat people right. I truly love my neighbor. I know who directs my life and I accept that.
Whitney Houston died and I cried. I cried because she was a beautiful person that had a demon riding her back that she couldn't shake. I cried because her journey was hard and painful for her. God called her home because it was her time. She was tired. I realize that God can call us at any time. It doesn't have an age, sickness, time, or number on it. It's just his time and thats the right time. If God was to call me home tomorrow, or tonight, or whenever, please know that I'm ok with the life I've lived. I know I have made my presence known with so many. I know that I have contributed to so many lives that I'm comfortable with saying, at the age of 42, my living has not been in vain. I pray God allows me to live a long life and I know there is a lot of work to be done. I believe he has allowed me to go through this journey to help others and thats what I planned to do. I'm a different person now. I'm stronger and wiser and a little smarter :-) I was always compassionate and caring but now I know pain and struggle. This is My Walk and My Walk is My Story. Stand by me, support me, lift me up because at the end of the day, it's not about me. It's about the people that God wants me to help. My tears are now tears of joy. I'm fighting and I'm fighting hard. Round 1 is about to be over and then I welcome Round 2.
March 7th is the last Chemo Treatment.
Thanks my friends, family, co-workers, and strangers that cross my path for helping me get through each day, one day at a time.
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