Gotta Change My Mindset

For the past few months I've been dealing with my health and accepting what I can not change.  I won't lie when I say that it's gotten the best of me and it's shown the last few months.  My body is tired and I'm tired of pushing through to please everyone else.  Sometimes I need to just shut it down but damn, I'm always shutting it down.  I feel like life is passing me by and I can't do the things I want to do.  I can't keep up in conversation with my daughter or work her projects.  I'm washing her hair once a month and I struggle to do that.  She's 10 and she cares about her hair and clothes now.  I'm missing family functions that are important to me, let alone the functions my friends have had that I had to miss.  Some days are good but most are bad and you would never know because I sit in silence a lot.  They want to cut me back open and remove more parts of my body including the bad shit that's camping out inside of me waiting to explode.  Hell, I don't plan on having anymore babies but I'm tired of needles, pills, hospitals and recovery time.  I'm just doing much better from the major surgery I had in July and still have not healed completely.  It's all getting to me and I'm crying a little more than normal.  I wonder is I'm getting a little depressed about it all.  I don't know because I'm not one to get depressed but I think this is what it feels like.  I never image getting cancer and definitely never thought I would be fighting this long.  I keep smiling while inside I feel defeated at times.  I'm changing my mindset because the devil stays busy.  I'm headed into the new year with a renewed energy to handle my business so I can eventually do the things I've been missing.  I saw this video months ago but I saw it again this morning.  She reminded to dance like no one is watching and to change my mindset.  I've everything you can imagined to me in the last 3 years and this journey continues.  This is when you know that God has great plans for me.  My nonprofit will help others and save lives.  I'm sure he wants me to testify about how great he his.  I am a believer!  I thank God for his grace and mercy.  I'm not perfect by far but he sees my heart and knows it's made of gold.  I love life and I love my friends and family but most importantly, I love my God!  I'm lifting my head up and I'm going to keep pushing.  Just please lift me up when you see that the devil is trying to work on me. smh

Check the video out of you haven't already.  Dance like no one's watching!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/06/breast-cancer-flash-mob-deborah-cohan_n_4227915.html

Lisa
www.PDLSInc.com

The Breakdown

I've been struggling lately with the side effects from this drug that I have to take for 4 more years. My vision is really bad and my energy level is extremely low. I can't do a lot of things I use to. The worst part is that I have no energy to help my child at night.  Frustrating as it may be, I push on. Not many people know my struggle. I disguise it very well. No need to complain but I'm human and I do get tired.

Www.pdlsinc.com

The workout

Old blog i wrote a month ago but forgot to post.:  So I'm in Dallas with my mom for the Dallas and Redskins game and today we decided to work out. I reflected back when I couldn't work out when I couldn't walk a half a block or you know, to the bathroom. Everything was just hard.  Walking on a treadmill next to my mom, she sweating after 30 minutes and I'm still going because my energy is there. and you still need to keep going we look at each other and smiled. She gave me a high five and that's when I knew victory was won. That's when my heart cries out, thank you God. Its such a beautiful day here in Dallas now let's get ready for the Redskins!  #thinkpink

The Stories

I'm sitting at work and I just read my cousin's story about her Breast Cancer journey she wrote for my book.  I'm reminded why she is my hero.  She fights with such grace and her expressions calm me.  She living her life each day at a time and I love it!  She's on her 2nd fight with stage IV breast cancer and faces each day with her head up.  I admire her and each soldier in this war who swings hard or until they can't swing anymore. Today, I'm inspired and I hope that others are too.  Be an advocate for your own health!  Live each day likes its your last and always walk with your head up.  DCG I love you and I thank you for being who you are to me without really even knowing.  We think pink all day, every day.  Fight on Shero!

Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, He it is that doth go with thee; He will not fail thee, nor farsake thee.   Deuteronomy 31:6, KJV

Lisa aka Sweetluv -

Emotional

Just one of those days that I feel so emotional. I can't really talk to anyone because I don't want others to see my tears. It's not a sad day but a blessed day. I just feel grateful that he choose me. Each morning I look in the mirror at all my scars and are reminded of my nightmare and my blessing. I live this life, just once. I truly know that. How can I help others? I'm trying! These are my thoughts today. Putting it on paper!


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Uplift, We Are Here!

I'm sitting here at Uplift Inc. with daughter who asked me two years ago to take this computer class. At the time, I was battling cancer and I couldn't do much for her. I was blessed with friends and family who helped me out but I didn't want to put too much on them. Nonetheless, I didn't enroll Liyah until today. I reflect on those days and celebrate today. Today is a victory! Yep, a victory. I just thank God for today!


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'It's Back!'

Wednesday I was awaken to a FB message from my Sistah in the Journey.  She informed me that her cancer came back but in another area.  You see, we started this journey within the same month and year.  Our journey led us to each other and we were able to give each other the heads up on various procedures.  She had her surgery first and she was able to tell me what to expect when I have mine.  I endured the chemotherapy first, so I was able to tell her what to expect.  We both became cancer free around the same time.  Not a full year of being free but this is the year we would celebrate that anniversary.  Her message immediately got my attention.  Though the possibilities of the cancer returning was on my mind but not something that took over my thoughts.  My back and forth conversation with my Sistah that morning, brought me back to reality.  Each day is a fight for my life.  Every thing I do, affects my longevity on this earth.  I can't relax thinking it would never happen to me.  I must be proactive when it comes to my health.  I'm thankful my Sistah was proactive.  They caught it early, so she started Chemotherapy this past Friday.  We both know the power of God and faith.  That's why our smiles make s the Devil mad.

Three hours after hearing about my Sistah, a friend sent me a message about her sister.  Through that conversation I found out that her sister has been cancer free for one year and now her cancer is back in several places.  'WOW' was all I could say about my day and the news I was receiving.  The beautiful thing about that conversation was that my friend told me about her sister's faith and positive thinking.  I had to smile because again, she was making the devil mad.  Her sister is now my Sistah in the Journey.  I realize that we are strong black women and we never give up.  Both of my sistahs are in my prayers.  I know God has their back.  So the journey continues!

News

Everyday I read the paper. I don't know why I do because I'm always reading about someone dying. The worst part is when I read that they died of Cancer my fear is heighten! Today Bonnie Franklin died of cancer. She was only 69 years old. Remember her on One Day At A Time? She was the mom. I watched that show faithfully when I was young. I didn't know her personally but the news sadden me. That fear of dying from this disease stays with me. Reading how people celebrated their victory over cancer and then years later it came back and they die, blows my mind and increases my fear. Someone cautioned me not to talk about my journey too much to others in social media. I got it because I don't want people to get sick of hearing me talk, I want to be heard when necessary. The only thing is, writing soothes my fear. It's my therapy and I don't think anyone understands my fear but those who have experienced my fight. I'm going to take my friends advice because she has valid reasoning to it. I'll just continue to blog and write my book and hope it gives me that same calming medicine to my soul. Gilder Ratner, Bonnie Franklin, Minnie Rippleton, all those great women of strength has succumb to this illness. What can I do better, to survive? This has been my nightmare no one except another Soldier in this army (cancer survival) will ever truly understand.


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