Gotta Change My Mindset

For the past few months I've been dealing with my health and accepting what I can not change.  I won't lie when I say that it's gotten the best of me and it's shown the last few months.  My body is tired and I'm tired of pushing through to please everyone else.  Sometimes I need to just shut it down but damn, I'm always shutting it down.  I feel like life is passing me by and I can't do the things I want to do.  I can't keep up in conversation with my daughter or work her projects.  I'm washing her hair once a month and I struggle to do that.  She's 10 and she cares about her hair and clothes now.  I'm missing family functions that are important to me, let alone the functions my friends have had that I had to miss.  Some days are good but most are bad and you would never know because I sit in silence a lot.  They want to cut me back open and remove more parts of my body including the bad shit that's camping out inside of me waiting to explode.  Hell, I don't plan on having anymore babies but I'm tired of needles, pills, hospitals and recovery time.  I'm just doing much better from the major surgery I had in July and still have not healed completely.  It's all getting to me and I'm crying a little more than normal.  I wonder is I'm getting a little depressed about it all.  I don't know because I'm not one to get depressed but I think this is what it feels like.  I never image getting cancer and definitely never thought I would be fighting this long.  I keep smiling while inside I feel defeated at times.  I'm changing my mindset because the devil stays busy.  I'm headed into the new year with a renewed energy to handle my business so I can eventually do the things I've been missing.  I saw this video months ago but I saw it again this morning.  She reminded to dance like no one is watching and to change my mindset.  I've everything you can imagined to me in the last 3 years and this journey continues.  This is when you know that God has great plans for me.  My nonprofit will help others and save lives.  I'm sure he wants me to testify about how great he his.  I am a believer!  I thank God for his grace and mercy.  I'm not perfect by far but he sees my heart and knows it's made of gold.  I love life and I love my friends and family but most importantly, I love my God!  I'm lifting my head up and I'm going to keep pushing.  Just please lift me up when you see that the devil is trying to work on me. smh

Check the video out of you haven't already.  Dance like no one's watching!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/06/breast-cancer-flash-mob-deborah-cohan_n_4227915.html

Lisa
www.PDLSInc.com

The Breakdown

I've been struggling lately with the side effects from this drug that I have to take for 4 more years. My vision is really bad and my energy level is extremely low. I can't do a lot of things I use to. The worst part is that I have no energy to help my child at night.  Frustrating as it may be, I push on. Not many people know my struggle. I disguise it very well. No need to complain but I'm human and I do get tired.

Www.pdlsinc.com