Tears of Joy!!!!

So today I came home from work early.  I'm not feeling well and I think the chemo is taking a toll on my body.  I don't have much energy and I don't sleep at night.  I push myself so hard because I don't want Cancer to have the upper hand on me.  I cried while talking to my supervisor today.  I told her that I was plain tired.  5 months of this has been hard and I'm tired.  She told me to go home and take care of me.  I really didn't want to but I'm tired and my head burns all the time.  So, I'm home laying down and I get an email from my friend Towanda Bryant.  She sent me a Spa Gift Card and I just laid here and cried.  I say this all the time but I'm so serious.  I feel so blessed to have the friends I have.  Out the blue, they make my day.  They send me notes of encouragement, they stop by my house, they cook for me, send me cards, rub my back and just check on me.  I sometimes feel overwhelmed because I feel so loved by so many.  These tears of mine lately, has been tears of joy.  I'm thankful and humble.

Leon just told me, I needed to go to a spa.  Towanda gave me that push, so I'm going to go right after my last chemo treatment next week.  Shout out to all my friends!  You keep lifting me up and up and up and I thank you!

Lisa

I Found Another Lump

Today I woke up excited because I knew I was getting closer to my 14th chemo treatment.  All of a sudden my day didn't start right because I found a lump under my arm this morning and it was big.  I guess now I should be worried about everything I find on my body or every feeling that just doesn't feel right.  I decided not to worry about it.  I'll inform my doctor tomorrow while at chemo and I already turned it over to God.  I can only do so much.  I'm fighting as hard as I can.  So whatever comes my way, so be it.  I'm standing tough, knowing God has my back.  I pray that we are on track and that there will be no set backs.  Heal my body Lord!  Heal my body!  No tears, no worries, no fears, I'm strong.  I just winked at the Devil!

My Walk is My Story

It's been a minute since I've been on here.  I've been taking one day at a time.  I'm now 13 Chemos down, with only 3 left to go.  My Co-Worker told me, what I've known for a while.......I was chosen for this walk.  The things in life that use to bother me doesn't anymore.  Life is too short to worry about the small stuff.  I was at a restaurant last week and the waiter spilled this sauce all over my leather jacket.  My friend looked at me, waiting for me to explode.  The waiter frantically began to clean the mess up and I just looked at him and smiled.  It's a jacket, thats all.  I'm dealing with bigger things in life, like CANCER.  I can get a new jacket or maybe get that cleaned, but this life of mine comes only once.  So I smile and I keep it rolling.

I thought about the day I sat on my mom's couch last December and cried.  I kept saying, 'I can't do this anymore.'  I remember how much pain I was in and how bad I wanted this whole ordeal to be a dream but it wasn't.  Today I stand here with a smile because I'm almost done with Phase 1 (Chemo Treatment).  I don't even concentrate on the next Phase.  The days I feel bad, I thank God because he choose me.  He knew I could do it.  He surrounded an army of folks around me.  He supplied my needs :-)  Someone said that they would never guess what I was going through if I wasn't bald.  She said, I'm always smiling.  I can tell you that I've smiled more than I've cried in the past 5 months.  I dealt with my hair being gone, no energy, weight gain, burning head sensations, dehydration, black nails, no eyebrows, a relationship that wasn't supportive to my needs and people who fell off the journey but was going strong in the beginning and through it all, I SMILE because he choose me.   Being a child of God doesn't necessarily mean you walk this straight walk.  I don't live a perfect life but I treat people right.  I truly love my neighbor.  I know who directs my life and I accept that.

Whitney Houston died and I cried.  I cried because she was a beautiful person that had a demon riding her back that she couldn't shake.  I cried because her journey was hard and painful for her.  God called her home because it was her time.  She was tired.  I realize that God can call us at any time.  It doesn't have an age, sickness, time, or number on it.  It's just his time and thats the right time.  If God was to call me home tomorrow, or tonight, or whenever, please know that I'm ok with the life I've lived.  I know I have made my presence known with so many.  I know that I have contributed to so many lives that I'm comfortable with saying, at the age of 42, my living has not been in vain.  I pray God allows me to live a long life and I know there is a lot of work to be done.  I believe he has allowed me to go through this journey to help others and thats what I planned to do.  I'm a different person now.  I'm stronger and wiser and a little smarter :-)  I was always compassionate and caring but now I know pain and struggle.  This is My Walk and My Walk is My Story.  Stand by me, support me, lift me up because at the end of the day, it's not about me.  It's about the people that God wants me to help.  My tears are now tears of joy.  I'm fighting and I'm fighting hard.  Round 1 is about to be over and then I welcome Round 2.

March 7th is the last Chemo Treatment.

Thanks my friends, family, co-workers, and strangers that cross my path for helping me get through each day, one day at a time.